I thought i was the one

 Three years, To many red flags

Three years.

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‎For three years, I loved you. I cared for you, understood you, trusted you, forgave you, and chose you every single day.

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‎For almost three years, I thought you were mine. I thought I was the person you wanted to be with. I believed that every time you told me, “I love you so much,” you truly meant it.

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‎I thought that as our relationship grew, your love for me grew too.

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‎I never knew that while I was giving you my whole heart, you had already been hiding pieces of the truth from me.

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‎When we were still getting to know each other, I didn't know that you were still talking to your ex. You were still having conversations and phone calls with her while I was slowly becoming serious about you.

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‎While I was getting attached to you, you were still holding on to someone from your past.

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‎I didn't know.

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‎And when I finally found out, what hurt even more was realizing that it wasn't just a one-time mistake.

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‎For one year and seven months of our relationship, you still loved your ex.

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‎One year and seven months.

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‎While I was building memories with you, thinking we were building a future together, you were still carrying feelings for someone else.

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‎And I kept asking myself:

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‎“Where was I in your life for those one year and seven months if you still loved your ex?”

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‎Where was I while I was loving you?

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‎Where was I while I was believing that I was enough?

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‎Where was I while I was giving you everything I could?

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‎Why was I the person you came home to?

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‎Why did you look at me and tell me that you loved me so much?

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‎Why did you hold me like I was the only person you wanted?

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‎Why did you give me words that I believed if your heart was still somewhere else?

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‎I thought your past was already over.

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‎I thought after everything, you had finally chosen me.

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‎But then you started working.

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‎And there was someone new.

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‎Your coworker.

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‎Once again, your heart found someone else.

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‎And once again, I asked myself:

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‎“Where was I if you already loved your coworker?”

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‎We had already been together for so long.

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‎Almost three years.

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‎Almost three years of memories, promises, arguments, forgiveness, laughter, and nights spent together.

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‎Yet somehow, while I was still standing beside you, you found another person to have feelings for.

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‎Why?

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‎That question stayed in my mind for so long.

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‎Why me?

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‎Why did you stay with me if your heart was somewhere else?

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‎Why did you keep coming home to me?

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‎Why did you tell me you loved me?

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‎Why did you make me believe that I was the one you chose?

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‎Maybe that was the most painful part.

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‎Not simply knowing that you had feelings for other people.

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‎But knowing that while I was giving you my entire heart, you were repeatedly giving pieces of yours to someone else.

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‎And every time I discovered another red flag, there was always an apology.

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‎“I’m sorry.”

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‎So I forgave you.

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‎Then it happened again.

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‎Another mistake.

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‎Another apology.

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‎Another promise.

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‎And I forgave you again.

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‎Until eventually, I started wondering if your apologies were truly because you regretted hurting me—or because you knew I would always forgive you.

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‎I kept telling myself that maybe you would change.

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‎Maybe this would be the last time.

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‎Maybe after this, you would finally choose me completely.

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‎Maybe someday, I would finally feel secure in your love.

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‎But now I understand something.

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‎I was never supposed to compete for a place in the heart of someone who was supposed to choose me freely.

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‎I shouldn't have to compete with your ex.

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‎I shouldn't have to compete with your coworker.

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‎I shouldn't have to prove that I'm worthy of being loved.

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‎Because if you truly chose me, I wouldn't have spent so much time asking myself:

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‎“Where am I in your life?”

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‎I should have known.

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‎I should have felt it.

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‎I should never have had to search for my place in your heart while you were making room for other people.

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‎For three years, I loved you thinking that you were mine.

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‎Now I realize that I never needed to own you.

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‎All I ever wanted was to feel chosen.

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‎I wanted to know that when you came home, you were coming home because you wanted me.

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‎I wanted your words and your actions to match.

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‎I wanted to feel that the person standing beside me was truly there with me—not physically present while their heart was somewhere else.

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‎And maybe that's the hardest lesson I've learned.

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‎Love isn't just about saying “I love you.”

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‎It's about loyalty.

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‎It's about honesty.

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‎It's about making someone feel safe in the relationship.

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‎It's about choosing the same person even when someone new comes along.

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‎And if you couldn't give me that, then maybe I needed to stop asking myself why I wasn't enough.

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‎Because maybe I was never the problem.

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‎Maybe I was simply loving someone who didn't know how to love me the way I deserved.

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‎So now, after almost three years, I'm finally choosing myself.

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‎I will always remember the good moments we had. I won't pretend that the years meant nothing. They meant something to me because I genuinely loved you.

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‎But I can't keep losing myself just to keep someone else.

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‎And maybe someday, I'll finally stop asking:

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‎“Why did you come home to me if you loved someone else?”

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‎Maybe someday, I won't need an answer anymore.

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‎Because the truth is, I deserved someone whose heart came home with them.

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‎Not just their body.

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‎Not just their words.

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‎Their heart, too.